No B.S. Coaching Advice

Failure | The No BS Coaching Advice Podcast

EP 153: “Failure is simply an opportunity to begin again, this time, more intelligently.”

This is how Rachel M. Stewart begins the Chapter about failure in “Unqualified Success: Bridging the Gap Between Where You Are Now and Where You Want to Be to Achieve Massive Success.

TRANSCRIPT

This is an automated transcript.

hi I’m Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter
and the host of the no BS coaching
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[Music]
hi this is Jeff Hopp in the big game
this is the no BS coaching advice
podcast episode 153 well I’m not gonna
do a long intro here because I do learn
at the beginning of the video I recorded
with Rachel Stewart the author of
unqualified success we’re gonna focus on
the failure chapter here and how people
can do things a little bit differently
it’s about a 18 to 20 minute interview I
would say related to a book I’ll have a
link to it in the show notes
nice book really really nice so hope you
find this helpful hope you give this
show a great review wherever you listen
to the show and the meantime let’s just
get going okay hi this is Jeff ultimate
a game owner and welcome to no BS
coaching advice the podcast and you’ll
probably see this on video as well as
podcast and I just want to make sure
that you know life doesn’t have to be
that hard difficult painful or be that
complicated now I just like to create a
venue for people to get some support and
advice and allies in the journey of life
so that you know they can go a little
bit easier and my guest today is Rachel
Stewart author of unqualified success
which came out earlier this year and
reading from her description of herself
she’s the co-founder and CEO of a
software development firm that launched
in 2018 and basically what it does is
focus on getting contractors the
technology tools they need to do their
work more efficiently Rachel thanks for
making time today I appreciate welcome
thank you so the book is terrific from
I’m not quite done because I have so
much leading to do for different
interviews and for classes I’m taking
and other stuff than I do but I’m almost
done
and there’s a chapter where zeroed in on
because I know it’s a sore subject for a
lot of you failure failure oh the horror
of failure that chapter come to you and
talk with talk about the meaning of a
failure for you yeah so I think anybody
who’s spent any time in their career
pushing and trying to hit big goals
should be probably familiar about like
PT machine you know all the negative
emotions out of that experience and
helping people to see that it isn’t
personal although it feels very personal
to us as we’re going through it but
failure is just something that didn’t
work it doesn’t have anything to do with
your worth as a human being or your
intelligence or all of these kind of
things as we are progressing in our
careers and in the different aspects
that not everything is going to work and
it’s being open to having creativity and
innovation and those things are totally
dependent on being comfortable of
failure and thus you know it begs the
question of talk about one of your
failures and what you learn from it you
know what are the big juicy ones you
know it’s so so as you mentioned in my
intro I haven’t always been in
technology or in software and that has
been a big learning curve for me so
there’s been a lot of things that we try
that hasn’t worked and setting up our
development teams and you know trying to
decide if they’re going to be offshore
or in-house and how we’re going to
manage them and how the structure is
going to work but a lot of things that
haven’t worked and delays that have
happened and that process we’ve learned
a lot of things that have worked really
well and so I think that’s probably the
most
and there’s some wonderful examples of
people who’ve failed and turned it
around my favorite one was the one about
dr. Russell Nelson who came up with
what’s a cold again the first artificial
heart lung machine open-heart surgery
yeah you know there were a lot of
failures in that process of learning and
he had you know several patients die on
him on the table as they were trying to
learn how to just give up and leave it
alone and luckily for anybody who’s the
recipient or had relatives that agreed
how did people go into that deep morass
like you have a sense of how that spiral
from failure or the experience of
failure takes them down that rabbit hole
in the deep place yeah so I think it has
a lot to do with our emotional
resiliency and the more that we can
build that up the less likely you are to
go into this very deep place and you
know having control of your thoughts of
managing you know what an actual failure
means and again it’s very hard it’s very
easy to see from the outside and a lot
harder to do but it’s practiced and you
know intentional work so I talk about
people in the book who from a very early
age their family and their parents you
know sat around the dinner table and
said okay what was your biggest failure
today and celebrated failure instead of
making it like this terrible thing that
nobody wanted to talk about and keep it
in the corner you know I had one of the
things I you know I’ve let men’s
retreats around the country
and one of the things I taught the guys
about is that secret skill and the
secrets that we keep inside of us kind
of eat like acid and destroy us from
within and the idea is to give life to
them and just get them out and not make
make them more powerful than they need
to be that’s a huge tip in in all of our
lives you know in from dealing with
failure to other things you know is the
more exposure we can get the less scary
they things are so how do we start
pivoting from that feel or feel the
feeling of failure had trouble with that
alliteration there that feeling of
failure and start getting people onto
the success track from there again so I
give some tips and tricks in the book I
think you know in whatever situation
that you are in so I talk about
companies who create events around
failure and you know the Mayo Clinic had
the queasy Eagle Award and mastermind
group you have or ever you know support
group that you have where you could
create in a night making kind of a fun
event and from that what we take is the
power out of it right I take the game
out of it right so let’s go a little bit
forever I love this and I’m not as well
marked as I normally in with this so
failure versus discomfort it’s an
interesting idea
I tend to think of discomfort as being
the place where it’s our growth edge is
that the way you see it for sure and you
know I have a chapter in the book about
grit and this is what I talk about
time is that you know grit is the
ability to stay in discomfort for an
extended period of time and when we can
make and that period of time the more
chance that we give for the universe to
work in our favor first all the pieces
to fall into place and for something
good to happen but a lot of times what
we do is we certainly feel that
discomfort and we want to back away from
whatever it is that we’re doing this is
scary this is uncomfortable I don’t like
it like let me go back to a safe place
and when we do that then we missed
opportunities that happen in what you’re
talking about the gross zone and then
the allegedly safe place isn’t right
the reality is the places we think are
safe are the places where we attract
exactly and you know I talked about that
you you’re gonna face discomfort either
way so you’re gonna have the discomfort
of unmet dreams and unmet like
expectations for your life and you know
not reaching your potential or you’re
gonna have the discomfort of doing scary
things putting yourself out there taking
a little risk and so you just have to
decide which discomfort you most want to
live with on your bed you-know-who
deathbed now for most people that’s a
scary place right so when you’re looking
back you have to go okay what kind of
life did I want to live you know between
now and Ed it’s funny and I’m working on
a workshop now where that’s the pivot
point is the death scenario oh yeah
because it’s designed for older people
because they have the greater awareness
of their mortality so it’s designed to
take them to their edge the scary place
with that ooh so what would you say the
key takeaways are from the book
without obviously you know going it’s a
into revealing things that you don’t
want to what would you think I’m most
important for people to know about yeah
I think the biggest thing is to just
give it a go like to not let your own
qualifications and your insecurities
hold you back and just give it a good
old shot and if at the end of the day it
doesn’t work if there’s failure that
happens like there will be and so that’s
the that’s the entirety of the book is
to not let your own qualification keep
you from reaching your dreams and where
did they start getting in the way for
you for you what was the story you were
telling yourself about your lack of
being qualified well I tell people that
I am unqualified for every role that
I’ve ever had you know and I think
anybody who’s stretching and reaching
for something bigger or better is
unqualified and that even goes in our
relationships you know as you’re trying
to have deeper connections with people
and strengthen those those ties you can
feel very unqualified to do to be doing
this work and so I think it’s about you
know just keeping going and keep trying
and keep working at it and you have kids
as I recall how do you pass this on to
children well you know I think it’s
tough in this day and age because you
know our kids are not exposed to as much
hard difficult things
I mean it’s challenging in the world
that they’re growing up in but a lot of
those discomforts aren’t the type of
discomfort that create a lot of grit and
persistence and like sticking with it so
for me I’m trying to find opportunities
where I can not give my kids everything
that maybe the whole neighborhood has
you know like Delaine when they get a
cellphone delaying some of the creature
comforts like teaching them how to
really work and and filled with
uncomfortable situations because life is
pretty easy for most Americans these
days you know there’s just a lot that
you know previous generations had to
deal with that we don’t have to deal
with when you and when you think of some
of the issues that people went through a
couple decades ago or you know in the
50s and 60s and all that there were it
was you know usually there was one car
there was you know single there were all
of these things and kids who really had
to work in me you know or one outfit or
two outfits to school that they wash on
remember the old days because I’m
someone who grew up in the 60s where
kids have to struggle a little bit I
know with my wife and and our son who is
now between 19 and February he was in
high school and he likes money and I was
not going to just hand the town so he
went and got himself a job and first job
lasted for a number of months and he
wound up hitting a job at a restaurant
where he was working in the kitchen and
throwing a high school full time and
being there at closing and then repeat
above so he’s working long days five six
days a week while he’s in high school
and kids one day it was in the middle of
the Arizona summer and he said hey
you’re coming to work with me and I put
him to work
washing the windows outside and like 20
minutes into it they’re coming in
complaining the hot and tired
so if we’re looking at three things
other than get out there and do earth
that we can pass on to our listeners
tonight on our viewers that will help
them in some way while instead inspiring
that also inspiring them to buy the
block of qualified success which I’ll
have a link to in the show notes Mike
and this goes live what can we tell them
what would serve them well yes so the
first thing is you have with your mind
set so your thoughts and your mindset
are gonna control all of your outcomes
so I think that that’s the first place
to start
secondly I think creating a vision of
the life that you want is really really
powerful and especially when it’s very
sensory rich and you can see it fill it
taste it all of those kind of things and
it’s written out and you’re going back
to the often what happens is then your
mind goes to work subconsciously to try
to because it doesn’t like the
disconnect it doesn’t like where you are
and this dream that you have and
especially the more you play this vision
over and over in your head and kind of
make it your reality there’s this
disconnect and the mind doesn’t like
that is connect so even subconsciously
it will go to work trying to solve these
problems to get you from here to there
so I think that’s the other thing and
then I think just staying in that hard
work in that tough spot in the you know
gross zone for an extended period of
time the longer you can extend that out
then I think you know doing those things
consistently you’ll be able to to make
all of the things that you want near
lack happen my thing is I know so many
people work with goals I set a goal of
you such-and-such and goals to me has
this template associated with it from
all the previous failures right whether
it’s stopping smoking losing way not
getting high whatever it is is it simple
it associated with goals no I’m going to
make X number of phone calls
or I have to abstain from something it’s
hard and what I’ve done is kind of
flooded and I with the people I coach
I’ll ask them what’s possible now what
what helps move you forward and some
what’s possible that you could do today
and to ask yourself that question daily
and sometimes even hourly depending upon
what you’re trying to work on I think
that’s super powerful and I think
starting where you are wherever that is
and just get moving is is extremely
powerful rather than waiting for perfect
scenario there is no such thing as
perfect folks the conditions are never
perfect no you know we unfortunately
have too many stories of people whose
families incredibly wealthy and his kids
get involved in one substance or another
and then on the outside look like
perfect conditions and they aren’t just
get going it’s getting commotion just
like with exercise just do something and
then you can start ruling things out by
sure Rachel thank you this has been fun
and again the book is unqualified
success bridging the gap between where
you are now and where you want to be to
achieve massive success thanks for
making time and folks we’ll be back soon
with more on Jeff welcome to big-game
hunter hope you enjoy this we’ll have
someone on soon and in the meantime hope
you have a great day be great
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a great day take care

ABOUT JEFF ALTMAN, THE BIG GAME HUNTER

Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter
Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter

Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter is a career and leadership coach who worked as a recruiter for more than 40 years. He is the host of “No BS Job Search Advice Radio,” the #1The No BS Coaching Advice Podcast podcast in iTunes for job search with more than 2200 episodes. He also hosts Job Search TV on YouTube, Amazon and Roku, as well as on BingeNetworks.tv for Apple TV and 90+ smartsets.

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