I remember the workshop I was helping with. At this point, 20 years have passed. There is a process going on that I would normally facilitate but I needed help. I had no feeling or touch with the events that were going on in front of me. I needed to be rescued and Ron did.
I felt deeply wounded by my “incompetence.” After all, I was supposed to assist with leading this training. I needed help and that judgment of myself of being a loser was a self-inflicted wound. No one knew it but me. Everyone judged my work as being effective and powerful.
In looking back, it was my Antonio Salieri moment. If you’ve never seen the play or the movie, “Amadeus,” Salieri is the composer at court during the time of Mozart. Salieri has everything a composer could want except God had betrayed him and given Mozart the one thing that Salieri craved more than anything—talent.
Salieri went out of his way to sabotage Mozart in the play. I did no such thing. At that moment, I didn’t believe I had the talent that Ron and others did and it hurt.
In retrospect, it was a lie that I told myself for a while that slowed me down and kept me firm stepping more richly into who I was in my magnificence. It was a form of self-sabotage that I do from time to time when I am less-than-perfect.
This morning, someone in a group that I am a part of asked for some advice. He spoke about doing his first video after years of trying . . . But it wasn’t perfect. He asked, “Would you suggest just launching it to get it out and finally START?”
It’s funny how disconnected in my mind with my past I was and how I wouldn’t give myself a break for not being perfect in that process. My desire for perfection, like, perhaps, yours got in the way of my growth for a while until I could pause for a second and just pointed out to me and me alone, that I was still learning and that I had done a lot of good up until that point.
You’re still learning and as long as you keep trying to get better and take advice from others where appropriate, as I did, you will.
Ⓒ The Big Game Hunter, Inc., Asheville, NC 2020, 2021
ABOUT JEFF ALTMAN, THE BIG GAME HUNTER
Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter is a career and leadership coach who worked as a recruiter for more than 40 years. He is the host of “No BS Job Search Advice Radio,” the #1 podcast in iTunes for job search with more than 1900 episodes, and is a member of The Forbes Coaches Council.
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